A moment of hesitation
by kessilover
Summary: "Do you think it's okay for you to doubt our marriage but I'm not allowed to freak out about the thought that I could actually be pregnant and that I might have to raise the kid on my own?"Merlin is about to fully understand what that means when his jealousy gets the best of him. A modern Mergana AU.


_**Obligatory disclaimer**_ :Merlin and all associated creative properties belong to BBC. I don't claim any said property as my own, and I make no monetary profit from this fan-made story. All creative property not associated with said channel belong to me, and their use is limited to my express permission. Thank you.

This was supposed to be light one but things got out of hand. As usual this is not edited.

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"Wait a minute, are you jealous?"

Arthur's voice snapped him from his thoughts.

The iron grip Merlin had on his glass of wine only tightened with the comment as he sent the other man a sideways glare. "Can you blame me ?" He asked through gritted teeth.

Much like his half-sister, Arthur's left eyebrow quirked upward while a crooked smile played on his lips. His gaze followed Merlin's as it found again the source of the man's anger.

Morgana clad in a red dress that fit her perfectly and hugged her curves in a way that had made every man –except for Arthur of course- to crane their neck for a better angle when she had first entered the main room.

But the reason Merlin was on edge was because, Alvarr – Morgana's ex-boyfriend- was standing fairly close to the woman. The look he was giving her could only be described as inappropriate.

Morgana and Alvarr were standing at the other side of the room while they talked.

Merlin certainly didn't like what he was seeing.

"You know that there's nothing going on between them, right?"

Merlin sipped from his glass, "I know."

Snorting, Arthur raised his own glass to his lips, but before he drank from it, he said, "Well, if that's true, then why are you looking like you are about to go over there and the beat the shit out of Alvarr?" His tone was amused at the expression on Merlin's face.

"Because I just might." Merlin drank the rest of his wine in one gulp. He squinted as the burning liquid made its way down his throat. Still, the alcohol failed to ease him.

Seeing them both together and with almost no space between their bodies had gotten into him. He knew the history they had shared, even if it wasn't much, it was enough to make his blood boil.

Arthur made a face. He reached and yanked the glass from Merlin's hand. "Don't you dare make a scene! This a gala, Merlin."

The raven-haired man just grumbled and tried to obtain the item back but Arthur moved it out of his grasp. "You've clearly had enough. I'm mean really look at them, what do you see?"

It was only his second glass and Merlin wasn't drunk, at least not yet. Still, the small amount of alcohol he had quaffed down was already putting thoughts in his mind.

However, deciding to ignore those poisonous ideas, Merlin did as his best friend said and averted his eyes toward the sight he'd been staring at for a while.

"What are you seeing?"

Morgana was holding a glass in her hand so was Alvarr. Except he was sure that her glass was filled with water. Therefore, any thoughts of the other guy trying to get her drunk were quickly pushed away. Merlin pressed his lips together as he tried to analyse the scene objectively. "She's talking and that git is ogling her." He was half-tempted to march towards them and punch that wanker for the way his gaze seemed to be locked on her cleavage instead of her face.

Another reason that fuelled his anger was that Morgana made no effort to stop the inappropriate stares.

He made a fist; beside him, Arthur tilted his head as though in doing so he was looking at them from the same angle as Merlin. "Yeah, mate, you should definitely be a tad concerned."

His eyes widened, his breath caught in his throat. "What?"

Did Arthur really think so?

The answer came quicker and a bit painful than Merlin had expected when Arthur smacked him right on the back on his head. "Of course not, you idiot. We are here tonight so we can get the investors and the potential ones more involved at we do. Alvarr is a business-man and Morgana is a businesswoman, what could they possibly be doing?"

"Making business-babies."

Another smack, this time it hurt much more. "Would you stop feeling so insecure about yourself?"

Merlin massaged the tender spot, his brow furrowed. "I thought we were in gala and such behaviour wasn't acceptable."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "You're acting like a nine-year old boy who's about to have his favourite toy taken away from him." He grabbed Merlin by the chin and forced him to look at Morgana and the ex. "That's your wife over there and she might be a bit flirtatious but that's only because the company right now needs money, even if it may come from Alvarr."

Merlin shoved the offensive hand away, whirled away from his wife, and stood facing his brother-in-law. "She loved him, Arthur. You and I both know how much their breakup had affected her. And trust me, I'm not insinuating that's she not faithful to me but I can't help but think that she might still have feelings for him."

Never during their two years of marriage had there been any indication that that possibility was right. However, seeing what he was seeing and coupled with the alcohol, well, it was a bad combination and it was playing with his mind.

Inhaling deeply, Arthur made the impression that he was about to hit him again and that the deep breath he took was only to talk himself out of it. Merlin visibly flinched and tried to move away. "Well she's done much more when it came to you, Merlin. She went against all of us and even stood up to our father because of you. She almost lost everything. She might have loved Alvarr. But she loves you now and you better believe it and never questioned it again. Because yes, I don't appreciate you calling her a cheater."

"Arthur…" Merlin tried to stop him but he was already walking away and moving in the direction of Morgana.

Arthur greeted the other man with a tight smile and a quick handshake before he leaned forward and whispered something into her ear.

Morgana's eyes shut his way. She looked genuinely confused, almost baffled by whatever that had been said to her. After that, Arthur scurried away not bothering to acknowledge the other man.

Not much after they were once again left alone, Merlin noticed that Morgana was making her way to him. Alvarr was left behind nursing his drink and supporting a look that could be considered as one of jealousy.

Merlin briefly wondered if that was how he had looked moments back. He really hoped that wasn't true. It wasn't such a pretty look.

Morgana finally reached him. Whatever Arthur had told her, it didn't appear to be good, if the expression on her face was any indication.

"So, I don't know if I should be mad or proud." She said as she came to stand in front of him. She had gotten a little bit scary with the sweet way she spoke and the grin she flashed him.

Merlin cleared his throat, open his mouth to speak, perhaps ask her what had Arthur told her. But using her free hand, Morgana linked it with his. She started to walk making him do the same.

"Uhm…I'm sorry?"

She tightened her hold on him to the point where he feared that she might have cut the blood circulation. "I don't think sorry is enough." She was leading him out of the main room and away from any potential witnesses. She was most likely trying to avoid making a scene…or maybe she wanted to kill him.

He'd bet all his money on the former.

They continued to walk until they reached one of the unused rooms. No one was in there. They walked inside and she shut the door.

Merlin sighed and readied himself for what was about to come.

"Why are you jealous of Alvarr?" she crossed her hands over her chest, tilting her head.

There was moment of silence before he spoke, "Is that what Arthur told you?"

She grunted and clenched her jaw, "No," she said shaking her head, "he told me that my jerk of a husband was thinking that I was trying to revive the relationship Alvarr and I had, six _fucking_ years ago."

"Morgana…" He stepped closer.

She didn't let him finish. She was in full angry mode at that moment and there wasn't anything to help turn it off. Well at least not until she said what was on her mind. "I married you." She jabbed him with her index finger in the chest. It didn't really hurt, at least not physically. But it felt like she was stabbing him with a knife. "I chose you." Another jab. "Not Alvarr or anyone else. You."

Merlin could only bow his head in disgrace. "I know…" that was all he could say.

"Then why the sudden lack of trust?" she demanded, throwing her hands up in the air in utter exasperation.

"Because…" He closed his eyes. The thoughts that he'd been pushing away most of the night were now demanding to be expressed. "You chose me. Why me? I mean I know that you love me but…I'm not him, not Alvarr or any of the other bloke you've dated. I'm not rich like him or…"

"Oh god," Morgana exclaimed, her face looked pale, all colours drained from it. "You're doing this now?" she hissed, advancing at him, "Now? After four years of being together, two of which we've been married, you're choosing this moment and this place to question us? Are you bloody serious? What's the matter with you?"

Her loud voice would surely drew someone to them. Merlin tried to prevent that from happening. "All right, I'm sorry. Can you please calm down?"

"Calm down?" Nostrils flaring, Morgana looked up at the ceiling as if she was silently praying for the strength to keep her from blowing in his face. "We've been trying to conceive a child for months now and you're asking me to calm down? Do you think it's okay for you to doubt our marriage but I'm not allowed to freak out about the thought that I could actually be pregnant and that I might have to raise the kid on my own?"

His jaw fell and his entire body went stiff. "Oh come, Morgana, that wasn't what I meant….I love you and I know you love me too…."

"Love is not enough to make a marriage work, it needs trust. And it seems our marriage doesn't have that anymore." She said bitterly. She sank to the ground, uncaring about her dress and she pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes. "Please, just leave me alone."

"Morgana," he pleaded weakly, crouching down.

"Bugger off," Morgana murmured but he didn't oblige. She huffed in frustration and shoved him away. "Go away, Merlin. I need a moment on my own."

This time, he did listen to her.

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A/N: If you liked it please leave a review. The feedback seem to be effective in restoring my muse.


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